Being Cruel to be Kind

I came into the office the other day and before I get my hands on a cup of coffee to help me come to terms with my day – before I could even enter my office and have a look at my calendar,  I was ambushed – waylaid – bushwhacked.  The most traumatic part of the experience was that this Hajduk was determined to conscript me into am extremely basic clerical task on his behalf.  This comes up on a regular basis – students arrive in our offices, without an appointment, intent upon securing someone on staff to do something that any reasonable person should be able to do on their own.  This is probably one of the most difficult things for me to understand and furthermore, in most cases resistance is futile, yet resistance to being drawn into this state of servitude is actually part of our advising responsibilities.  

I can remember when I first started working with students.  It was back in 1999.  I remember it so well because my work was disrupted by a rather major incident as many of you may recall.  However, once we got through that, I was able to resume my work with students.  So over the years, I worked with about 10 students per year on the university admissions process.  I still remember my greatest triumph – helping a super talent get into PhD studies at Berkeley – an engineering department.  Of course it was his triumph really – he was brilliant, but I create the initial contact.  However, in looking back on those days, I think of so many mistakes that I made – and I shudder.  In some ways it is a miracle that anyone managed to get in.  

Oh, don’t get me wrong – the test preparation was perfect, applications packets were well organized, and the essays were absolutely without blemish.  However, there was one major problem – I was much too engaged in the process.  My own deep and personal commitment to the process impaired the student’s journey into the process.

When IAC opened the doors as part of the EducationUSA network, I continued to work in much the same way.  However, instead of 10 students a year, it became more like 10 students a day and the volume continued to increase. 

As the office grew busier and busier, I began to look for any resources that I could lay my hands on that could help.  I began to read EducationUSA material in depth.  I learned that every step of the process was an important experience for students.  It is a learning process – a time of great personal development. For many students who still live with their parents, it is perhaps the only chance to take any responsibility for themselves before they go halfway around the world. 

I know that these are cultural differences, but part of the work we try to do entails providing “how to” information.  I realize that it must seem awful when we put students in the computer room or at a table to carry out a task on their own – instead of doing it for them.  On the other hand, they really need to take responsibility for themselves, at least to get in a few practice rounds before they cross the pond. 

From what I have observed, as the students become more and more engaged in the process, they also begin to feel a sense of control over their destiny.  Making educational choices is a big deal in the USA.  People consider all kinds of things before picking a school.  One of the most important aspects of school selection is referred to as “a good fit”.  In general terms this means a school where a student can benefit and grow as a whole person and a school that will benefit from the presence of the student.  This is something that an admissions committee looks for. 

One area where many students here slip up concerns reading and following the instructions.  Students often want to jump in and start filling out forms.  It is important that you really read everything.  I had a student come into my office the other evening.  He had applied on line and he wanted to show me something about the application.  As soon as I pulled up the website I began to scan the page and saw the topic, “international students”.  As I moved the cursor toward it, he told me not to go there, instead to click on where it says, “Apply Now”.  I had  misgivings, but I clicked and followed the rest of his instructions, downloaded the application in .pdf, and then saw on the second page, the question, “Is this the right application?”  Sure enough, right underneath the question was a list of who the application was not for and naturally international students were on the list.  Please bear in mind, this is a very intelligent and motivated student, the phrase, APPLY  NOW! which was more or less flashing at him led him down the wrong path.  It is really important to concentrate on the information that the schools provide to you. 

So dear students, when you arrive at our office, you may very well find that we are going to make you do a few things for yourself.  It is important that you be involved in your own educational process.  It is also important that you begin to get a feel for how the administration at an American school works.  On the bright side, we have a computer room and a library so you can work on the premises where help is close at hand, but in terms of doing all the work for you, as it says in many an American office, “Your momma doesn’t work here!”

Ciao